I have a problem.
Don’t worry, I’m not an alcoholic and I’m not addicted to drugs, sex or Kylie.
My problem is (I think) that I repress my thoughts and emotions.
Let me explain:
Over the past two years I have been having monthly breakdowns where I cry uncontrollably and feel completely drained and defeated for several days at a time, only to feel completely okay and normal again the next week. Is this an panic attack? Maybe. But whatever you want to call it, my fiance may have figured out the cause of it. I repress my thoughts and emotions; I act how I think I ought to act (subconsciously) and as I quiet person, I often keep my thoughts to myself. I’m guessing that once a month or so, these repressed emotions erupt form me all at once – hence my breakdowns.
My Experimental Solution:
I’ve decided to start writing down my thoughts on paper. I wouldn’t necessarily call this journaling since I’m not always writing about my experiences or my life, but just whatever is brewing in my mindscape.
The theory is to purge all of my thoughts and emotions through pen scribbles rather than through tears.
I’ll try to post some of my writing on here, but some of it will be kept in my journal for myself. Baby steps. So expect some rants, short stories or uncategorizable bits of writing in the future on this blog. I will do my best to keep up with this – even with my history of never upholding personal goals. There’s a first time for everything!